Satanism isn't what you think. It's not a cult, not a literal devil-worship, not a parody of Christianity. It's a 60-year-old philosophy about self-ownership and critical thinking. Here's what I'd read if I were starting from zero.

• Satan represents indulgence instead of abstinence!
• Satan represents vital existence instead of spiritual pipe dreams!
• Satan represents undefiled wisdom instead of hypocritical self-deceit!
• Satan represents kindness to those who deserve it instead of love wasted on ingrates!
• Satan represents vengeance instead of turning the other cheek!
• Satan represents responsibility to the responsible instead of concern for psychic vampires!
• Satan represents man as just another animal, sometimes better, more often worse than those that walk on all-fours, who, because of his “divine spiritual and intellectual development,” has become the most vicious animal of all!
• Satan represents all of the so-called sins, as they all lead to physical, mental, or emotional gratification!
• Satan has been the best friend the Church has ever had, as He has kept it in business all these years!